Do robots have Luck?

[armyofrobots]

HHN 21. It’s been a good run. Lady Luck, in my opinion, was a great Icon, despite some flack she’s been receiving from others. The web-site was a great success; the big reveal got you excited and the games were both annoying and fun. They kept you wanting to come back on an hourly basis to see what changed or just to see if you could complete the games that were an extra annoyance. The marketing team really stepped up the game with the Twitter tweets and the Facebook…face booking. I was really excited to visit the event and see everything and I feel overall, the event really delivered. Also, as a note, I don’t give “numbered ratings.“ I feel “7/10” or “10/10” is very skewed to the year and it shouldn‘t. A house shouldn’t get a 10/10 just because it was your favorite house. Hey, I like things too, but it doesn’t get 10/10 because it’s my favorite. People just throw around a 10/10 like it’s candy. WELL IT’S NOT, IT HAS FEELINGS TOO. /rant.

Spoilers, fun and nonsense await you, my little ponies:

New paragraph.

The Forsaken

Green water monsters vs. Spaniards. Or are the water monsters from Spain too?

I didn’t really know what to expect when walking into the house. There wasn’t much of a façade, even less than last year. But last year seemed to be the ultimate façade because it was a warehouse, IT ONLY MAKES SENSE. Anywhoo, the house was alright. That’s my review. Okay. It’s not.

The sets were beautiful. I remember walking through with the lights on and it I was blown away by the sets. The level of detail was great and the courtyard scene was fantastic. The ship portion at the end was great and I thought the overall story of the house was pretty alright. The scares were really hit or miss. I remember joking that the very first actor you see just seemed annoyed that he was stuck in the cell, “well, I could probably squeeze through that door, but… the work. I’ll just stay here.” I guess they were supposed to speak Spanish, so naturally prisoners stuck in a war between themselves and water monsters would scream “QUESO!!” right? “BANYO” isn’t a good way to set the tone, unless of course this is a war between Janitors in a Mexican school, in which case, kudos, you’re doing a great job. Alas, maybe next year; I can’t wait for “El Escuela.”

The actual “forsaken” were okay. I just found myself bored with most of the house. The effects were great and as I mentioned earlier, the sets were fantastic, the scares were just lacking. The only person who startled me was the person before the chapel and it was on a pretty consistent basis. Hey, you‘re ACTUALLY doing your job. Go tell the people in the first two rooms how to set a “tone” and develop “plot.” Because without plot, all we have is a Michael Bay film…wait. Maybe they DO know what they’re doing. Michael Bay makes millions. I’m on to you, conquistadors.

House count - 5

The In-Between

College kids who play with boards games… and Warcraft II. Guess which one messed up your life?

My LEAST anticipated house ended up doing very well. I also walked through with the lights on and thought it was instant budget house, and I was fortunately proven wrong. I love the return of the floor slider, unfortunately I only saw the actor… 0 times. Which is almost as many times as I saw him in Legendary Truth. The rooms were executed very nicely and the images from the 3D glasses were very vibrant and colorful. I especially loved seeing the Warcraft II strategy guide in the finale. I often got very disoriented and ran into a few walls, which is always a plus.

I feel the actors did very well and the costumes looked great. Some of them were very aggressive and in your face and with the lighting, you didn’t notice them right away. I complained about techno music in Hades last year, but this time around I sat back and accepted it. These damn kids and their computer musics. No big gripes, honestly. I regret driving home in those 3D glasses. I hit a dog and threw up.

House count - 2

Nevermore: The Madness of Poe

You kids like rum? You too can marry your underage cousin and earn a salary of $4

The buzz about this house was astronomical. Everybody was all jazzed about this house and I was pretty excited about this myself. I was original Ops Lead in this house, but due to circumstances out of my control, I was pulled from doing so. I put a lot of time into this house, specifically designing the queue system and placing the spotters in the house. I had a lot invested into this house. I remember walking through and being blown away by the sets. The actors and the sounds and lighting made is SO much better. One of my favorite rooms in the history of HHN is the Telltale Heart room. The sound of the heart beating, the muttering of Poe, the scare actor in the room, absolutely amazing.

Everything after that didn’t disappoint either. I loved deteriorating mind of Poe progressively through the house, although hearing a Poe yell “THE MADNESS, THE MADNESS” was a little more than cheese. But I guess if giant birds, zombies, dead women and that mustache was on my face/in my head, I‘d probably be shouting “MADNESS“ as well.

The finale was great and wrapped up the house perfectly. It was going all crazy. THE MADNESS.

House count - 9

Saws n Steam: Into the Machine

It’s not Rapture. It doesn’t look like Rapture. It’s a completely different entity than anything relating to Rapture. Yeah, sure Hamburgers and Hotdogs are the same, but not really.

I wasn’t a big fan of Saws ‘n Steam in 2010. I felt it was a pretty okay street with a pretty okay story. When I heard it was being evolved into a house with most (if not all of the original actors) I was slightly intrigued, but kept my expectations low. I’m glad I did because I ended up enjoying the house. Best use of the Jaws queue since 2007, although I don’t feel it’s better than 2007 as Jason was damn near perfect. The setting was fantastic. I loved seeing all the little machines and victims being sucked into machines and people have their meat cut off of them. Tasty. Hey! Is that a fish tan-- OH NO, THAT’S AN EYEBALL. There’s no fish at all! You have a shortage of resources? Well, you have a giant tanks full of water. Take out the guts, you might have something worth looking into there.

There were quite a few of distractions, but no scares. So spotty. A lot of stare and glare as well. I don’t get uncomfortable from people staring at me, I’d much rather be startled. Also, I understand WHY it happened, but there should have been MORE; there was a serious lack of SAWS. I feel the steam greatly outweighed the saws. Unfortunately steam isn’t scary. It’s warm. And moist. But saws are slightly more ominous than steam. Water, water, water and scene. We basically have Leave it to Cleaver 2, minus the humor and originality. Not saying it’s bad, but just under whelming. Much like the street.

House count - 5

H.R. Bloodengutz Presents: Home for the Holidays

H.R Bloodengutz for Icon, 2012

LOVE LOVE LOVE. My favorite house of the year. Humor, great scaring, amazing queue video, I loved everything about this house, minus a few nitpicks. I love the character of H.R. and I love that Russell from Horror Make-Up got a little bit of time to shine during the event. The actor in the first scene does some great improv and I love that he interacts with the crowd. I also love that red button and getting H.R. to hit it.

The little quirky names of the films are great. I especially love the Presidents Day and Valentines Day titles. Amazingly funny. The actors here really get into their roles, I love zombie Lincoln (he needs to get reelected like he needs a hole in his head) and Washington (wooden teeth? Talk to Martha). I love the leprechauns in St. Patrick’s Day are hilarious, “I PEE GREEN”, “want to taste MY rainbow?” Good stuff. The Disaster house is really putting out quality houses ever since 2007 and this is no exception. I’m glad this house is as good as it was. No jokes here because the house makes its own. House of the Year.

House count - 10+ (more than I can remember)

The Thing

Not Assimilation, despite what the shirt says

Really excited for the house. And it turned out pretty okay. Nowhere as good as 2007, in my opinion. I feel Assimilation was better in every way, despite the smaller budget. I loved seeing the Thule station and how cold it was on the set. I noticed some reused props from 2007, which doesn’t bother me any. I felt this house told you the story, rather than involved you in the story. You were seeing the alien and the actors interact with each other: Ramona Flowers hiding behind cans of yams (I think they were yams. Swedish yams) talking to herself and getting ready to go Ice Cube when that alien pops out; The barber that doesn’t know how to shave his neck. Two scenes I feel really go out and show the humanity side of this house.

The puppets were GREAT. Like Tony the Tiger great. I loved the shotgun scene with the block of ice. That looked FANTASTIC. And the gun was loud. There was also a great scare in there, who consistently got me. I really have no gripes with the house. I appreciate the house and I wish I could have seen what the Hollywood version was like.

House count - 6

Nightingales: Blood Prey

If Baraka from Mortal Kombat had a daughter and she decided being a nurse was a good career choice.

When I first went through the house, I was BLOWN away. I thought this was the best house in HHN history. The sets, the actors, the amount of scares - it was all incredible. Then things started to slowly… slow down. Almost to a screeching stop of slowness. The sets were still great. The trenches, the sounds of men screaming and stuff blowing up, it was still there. And then the nurses stopped from going crazy and it turned into a stare and glare. Little bald glares.

Some nurses still went crazy, but others just stood there. Their creepy little eyes and bald little heads, eesh. Still creepy, but not threatening. So tiny. So bald. WHY WERE THEY BALD!? They were like creepy little alien babies. Man. I loved this house. It just started to let me down towards the end and that makes me sad. I would love to see a sequel to this house. Maybe even turn it into a street. I feel THIS would make a great street crossover, way more than Havoc. WAY more.

House count - 7

Winter’s Night: The Haunting of Hawthorne Cemetery

All my gripes about Legendary Truth are resolved and I can die happy

My most anticipated house turned out not disappointing. It was creepy, cold and had a Weeping Angel. I just wish there were more Weeping Angels. And a TARDIS. Is that too much to ask for? The rest of the actors were pretty generic, but very effective. There was a change of characters, unlike Legendary Truth and I feel that’s one of the reasons it was better than LT. I got a few startles, specifically the scares behind the wall where you got a nice view of the cemetery. Also, the crawling zombie scene, which turned into a great distraction. The finale was a little lacking and confusing. I honestly thought this was something dealing with Canyon. I guess it wasn’t. I am a fool for thinking so.

I don’t have much else to say.

Actually, I do. Why was the Thing trailer playing in the queue? I miss the days of queue videos, text games, music in the queue, house stills. Something. ANYTHING. But not a trailer for a movie that’s 2 houses down. Move the video.

House count - 6

And that be it. That’s my review. I’m not going to review the streets because… well, because. I do have a favorite street and I’ll mark it below. That being said, I enjoyed this year a lot and I hope everybody else did as well. Great job to Universal and all of its departments, I feel you really knocked one out of the park this year.

RANKINGS

Houses:

1. H.R. Bloodengutz: Home for the Holidays

2. Nightingales: Blood Prey

3. Nevermore: The Madness of Poe

4. The Thing

5. Winter’s Night: Haunting of Hawthorne Cemetery

6. The In-Between

7. Saws ‘n Steam: Into the Machine

8. The Forsaken

Streets:

1. Acid Assault

2. Se7en

3. Nightmaze

4. Grown Evil

5. Your Luck Has Run Out

6. Canyon of Dark Souls

[LV-426]

lol

great review, i really enjoyed reading this, pretty cool

[Pirka]

This was a lot of fun to read. I f*cking lost it at "I hit a dog and threw up" and my mom had to ask me what I was laughing about!

GUESS WHO SECONDS BLOODENGUTZ FOR ICON?! (it's me)

[Jakemeister]

"You kids like rum? You too can marry your underage cousin and earn a salary of $4"

I straight lol'd at that. Great review.

[LV-426]

This was a lot of fun to read. I f*cking lost it at "I hit a dog and threw up" and my mom had to ask me what I was laughing about!

GUESS WHO SECONDS BLOODENGUTZ FOR ICON?! (it's me)

was I the one that started the Bloodengutz for Icon? I think I was, then Dr. Phibes second it, LOL all I'm saying is,

Awesome! maybe it will catch on and it actually happens, and we get a second Bloodengutz house, but with 50's black and white monster movies, they could even use the props from Creatures in one room, everything painted black and white even the actors...omg

Edited October 31, 2011 by black mask

[Pirka]

Yeeeeesssss...I'm thinking of making a legit petition for it, actually... ^^;;

[LV-426]

Yeeeeesssss...I'm thinking of making a legit petition for it, actually... ^^;;

If I didnt love my Poe signature i would make a signature with HR's face on it and saying something like HR Bloodengutz for 2012, or Vote HR or something...LOL but, I dont want to change my sig, maybe someone else could try it

[Pirka]

I was actually gonna do that, not even kidding. XD Anyone have a good idea for a campaign slogan?

[Mr.Timeout]

Great review, definitely an awesome read....As for the comment about Nightingales street being a WAY better idea then Havoc...slow your role. It is a good idea, but it's no way a WAY better idea then Havoc. Nobody knows what Havoc has in store for the streets...you'll see.

[GenecoGentern]

I will sign that petition if it comes out!! I miss the house already..

[armyofrobots]

Everybody knows the best idea for a house to street conversion is Cleaver. Having police and others in those masks grabbing victims and dragging them away to go into Meetz Meatz is a dream.

However, I still stand by my statement.

[Pirka]

Regarding the above: armyofrobots, ARE YOU ME?! Seriously, we seem to think the same way up in here...ANYTHING new to do with Cleaver would make me a happy bunny. <3

I'll actually get that petition up ASAP! I know online petitions don't usually amount to anything, but, gosh darn it, there's nothing stopping us from trying!

[armyofrobots]

It's because Cleaver was the best thing to happen. Ever.

The Z stands for MUSTARD!

[Pirka]

TELL ME ALL YOUR CLEAVER STORIES.

ALL OF THEM.

Also your HR ones.

Then we shall dance merrily through a field of flowers.

[The Director of Horror]

Everybody knows the best idea for a house to street conversion is Cleaver. Having police and others in those masks grabbing victims and dragging them away to go into Meetz Meatz is a dream.

However, I still stand by my statement.

I'm just waiting for that to happen...

Great review! It was fun reading it.

[HORRORLANDO]

Awesome review sir. H.R. Bloodengutz for icon in 2012 Oh Yeah...

Edited November 5, 2011 by HORRORLANDO

[marchofprogress]

...... Man. There is absolutely NO way I can *not* click on a link that says "Do robots have Luck?" even if doing so was 100% certain to lead me to a computer virus that killed my hard drive, created a sister for me, then got her pregnant. So, first off, shame on you. You shouldn't pummel an opponent who can't fight back. .... oooh, shiny things.

..

oh.. yeah. the review. man. it kinda makes me sad reading it because .... my whole role in the universe has already been filled by you, whoever you are you damn dirty robot. how do you expect somebody to write anything more hilariousabsurdawesome than that? You ever see Walk Hard? I'm thinking of the scene here where Dewey Cox has to go on after friggin' Elvis (Jack White, in his own hair, with his own gibberish by the way - contractually obligated kudos to him) ....

Now on to specifics!

Edit after writing this all out: I really only followed your order and made one specific reference to what you said so I'm posting my review as MY REVIEW NYAHH.

The specific thing was this:

In Between(ers) - THERE WAS A WARII GUIDE? If I would've noticed that I would've spent all night on Halloween walking through this house over and over and over and over and over and (etc). Also, I work for the company that makes those "3D glasses" and guess what? They don't do anything. They're just clear plastic. Whatever weird hallucinations you have were all your own, and that dog? Totally on you, you heartless................. robot. Ok, story checks out, nevermind.

.... If you would like to hear more, there's more!

Love, March.

(I close every communication with robots with "love")

[armyofrobots]

I'm glad you guys enjoyed my review. People are asking me to review the streets, but I don't think I have the mental capacity to do so.

It's harder (that's what she said) to review streets, just due to the fact that they're not...houses? I don't know. I just can't sit there and say "se7en was good. It was scary" without sounding like "I like feeling paper when it comes out of the copier. It is warm." or "Ants don't like magnifying glasses." You see, it sounds like I'm a little....slow.

Also, congrats to Se7en and The In-Between/The Forsaken to your respected awards.

[marchofprogress]

I'm glad you guys enjoyed my review. People are asking me to review the streets, but I don't think I have the mental capacity to do so.

It's harder (that's what she said) to review streets, just due to the fact that they're not...houses? I don't know. I just can't sit there and say "se7en was good. It was scary" without sounding like "I like feeling paper when it comes out of the copier. It is warm." or "Ants don't like magnifying glasses." You see, it sounds like I'm a little....slow.

Also, congrats to Se7en and The In-Between/The Forsaken to your respected awards.

Mister Robotzynsky, will you please review The Streets? .... Not the ones at HHN, I mean like... In general ?

[armyofrobots]

Honestly, I'm more of an avenue type of robot. I like my streets like I like my data upload disk: 01000010 01101100 01100001 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111

[The_Bled]

Really great review. Found myself laughing a couple times. I'm glad someone else shares my love for H.R. Bloodengutz. Almost everyone at my school says it was the worst house.

I appreciate the house and I wish I could have seen what the Hollywood version was like.

Probably not the same type of see you were talking about, but this will hopefully do.

[marchofprogress]

Honestly, I'm more of an avenue type of robot. I like my streets like I like my data upload disk: 01000010 01101100 01100001 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101110 01100111

.... Don't torment the nerds Robotsmith (I'm running out of different nationalities here - I've already hit you with like 30 of them, give a guy a break!!)

Man. I didn't even have to look that up or write it out to know what it says. Before I Lost My Innocence, I would've wondered if it even meant anything. I miss those days. Things were simpler when I could count to 2 without Epic Failure, as The Kids say.

Thank you for your review of The Streets. As you are, in fact, an army of robots, and obviously an international one (Just look at all the different surnames!) I'm not surprised you didn't mention how rough it is out there on The Streets. People tend to leave robots alone.

I for one welcome our new robot overlords.

Carino,

March

[CheshireCat]

I really enjoyed reading this review! A good portion of humour makes remembering this event so much nicer Thanks

[Pirka]

I actually went and made the petition.

[Creeper06]

Nice review!!!

A couple things:

-Glad to hear I wasn't the only one underwhelmed by the energy in Nightingales. I went at the end of the event and, you're right, they were not going crazy. I thought I was the one going crazy since the boards said how intense it was. I guess it just trailed off. That's sad.

-Agreed that I'd rather see Nightingales than Havoc. I've got your back on that one.

-I went through The Thing in FL and CA. Rest assured, FL still takes the taco. There was better and more detailed theming throughout (though Hollywood had a couple better scares)

-Long live HR Bloodengutz!!!!