Mr. Cleaver's "So-Late-It-Shouldn't-Be-Written" Review

[Mr. Cleaver]

You know you're late for a review when the next season is already starting to move ahead. I think it's the perfect time.

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I'll cut the sentimental bullocks about this being my first HHN Orlando and move straight into the show.

HOUSES:

(in order of visitation)

*Legendary Truth: The Wyandot Estate:

So this was my first ever HHN Orlando house and, well, I think I could've picked a better start. After standing like cattle for about an hour, we got into the soundstage. The facade was absolutely stunning, with so many tiny little details strewn about that I cannot fully describe it. Through out the entire house, the scenery was just jaw dropping; about as true to a victorian era house as I've ever seen. Sadly, that was the best of the whole house for me. My guess is that I really crapped out in terms of timing, because the entire time I never had any scares; I saw maybe a total of about three actors? Not impressive in my book.

Set:5/5. Truly one of the best dressed houses I've ever experienced.

Story: 3.5/5. The begining had the ghost hunter guys, but the rest seemed like random house staff in wierd masks jumping through curtains.

Scares: 2/5. I found no scares at all the whole time. Being as I heard plenty of screams through out the house, I'm guessing someone got a scare or two.

10.5/15

*Horror Nights: The Hallowed Past:

This was, above all else, the one I was anticipating the most since it was in essence a recap of the last 19 years of HHN. Parts of it were a collection of props and set pieces from years past, while other rooms were a sort of "greatest hits," including a set from the S.S. Frightantic and the Body Collector's 'spine ripping' scene. I was never certain of where actors would be at any given point, so they got me a few times. I specifically remember an Eddy hidden in the wall and Jack hiding around the corner at the very end. I was, in all honesty, an easy scare here because I was so busy admiring the entire building. So they get a few bonus points there.

Set: 5/5. It was a true smorgasboard of HHN delights; the rooms that weren't just 'archives' were still done extremely well.

Story: 2/5. It was indeed a realm of HHN. But no coherent story was present. But that's not the point of this house, now was it?

Scares: 4/5. Again, they got more scares simply because I was so busy looking around.

11/15

*Catacombs: Black Death Rising:

I, having a black plague fetish, had extremely high expectations for this house. And, believe it or not, I was underestimating it. The facade here seems almost like an after thought, but it still seems to work(plastic sheeting and pipes, anyone?). But inside, it was more than I could've asked for. Actor, actors everywhere! I turned a corner- plague doctor. Turned another- plague victim. Every now and then I had the urge to look up of all places. Whenever I would, another actor would be dropping down on top of me. The best scare of all of 2010 (including HHN and the other events/houses of that year) was here: I came around a corner, and turned around to express my infinite and irrelevant knowledge of the black plague; when I returned forward, there was a doctor. I jumped aside; another doctor. To the other side; another doctor. Never, in my seven years of haunting, have I been the victim of a 'pinball scare' to that level. It was awesome. The museum at the end seemed odd unless you actually read the story of the house, but I liked it.

Set: 4/5. The facade seemed weak, but much of the interior matched up with the real catacombs in Paris.

Story: 4.5/5. It was indeed catacombs where the dead return; it even drops us off in the musuem exhibit.

Scare: 5/5. I got more scares in this house than almost any I've ever gone through. Awesome.

13.5/15

*Havoc: Dogs of War:

All I knew about this one was bald people and some Silvester Stallone reference my dad was making about it. Great start, eh? But we get inside and I find- dark. A lot of it. Most of what I remember about this house was as follows: Dark. Dark. LOUD NOISE. Dark. Dammit, I'm wet! Dark. LOUDER NOISE. Yep. I don't remember any specific details about the set or any actors, except that they had the dedication to shave their heads for this house. I vaguely remember some good looking walls and a lot of tubes, but that's it. But they did get a few startles outta me.

Set: 3/5. The facade was pretty good, but you couldn't see much inside when everything is bathed in a dark, dark red light.

Story: 2/5. The military/government facility thing was evident if you could see anything, but not so much for experimental soldiers.

Scares: 3/5. Not too many memorable scares, but they did get me at least once.

8/15

*The Orfanage: Ashes to Ashes:

I wasn't sure what to make about this one before I went in. From what I'd heard it was an orphanage. WITH FIRE. So that got me fairly excited. Going through, I found mostly black rooms with blacks walls and- CHILDREN. Yeah, I know they were just short people, but still. CHILDREN. So that got me a bit creeped. I don't remember much for scares, but they were creepy dammit. And near the end, there was, as advertised, FIRE. But only if you looked out the window at the right time. But, still. FIRE. They get points for that.

Set: 4/5. It definately looked like a burnt orphanage. Yeah. But, dammit, FIRE! Yeah!

Story: 4/5. Orphanage. Burned down. Cindy. Got it.

Scares: 3/5. Not exactly frightening at all, but them kids sure were creepy little bastards.

11/15

*Zombiegeddon:

Ah, the joke house. Zombies have taken over, and we're in training to fight back. I love it. I personally loved the fact that the whole building had a slight industrial feel to it. It seemd... right. I'm also glad that just about everyone in the house was a zombie. Less victims, more bad guys. Yeah. A few startles here and there, but I think this was a bit more entertaining than scary. But, y'know, I don't think they loose any points for that.

Set: 3.5/5. While the whole thing was well done (especially the facade), it got a little bland seeing basically the same room over and over.

Story 4.5/5 The queue video really set the story up, and the house itself at least tried to hold it up.

Scares: 3.5/5. A startle here and there, but not much that was memorable.

11.5/15

*Hades: Gates of Ruin:

The first thing I remember about this house was the facade. Holy Jesus.I was not expecting a mountain with a giant face you walk through. Kick ass. I loved the number of mythical creatures used (including those lovely lizard people), and the fact that they used so many different creatures. I didn't pay much attention to the scenery here, since the action was constant and never ending. Around every corner there was another creature waitin to hop on you. I was actually very surprised with this house. I didn't put much faith in it since the name was in "Clash of the Tiatns" font. Sometimes it's good to be wrong.

Set: 4/5. The facade was massive and impressive. The rest of the house was equally good looking, even though the sets started to get a bit repetitive.

Story: 4/5. Not much in terms of a plot, but you could definately tell you're in a mythological hell.

Scares: 2.5/5. I didn't get many scares, but they tried by God.

10.5/15

*PsychoScareapy: Shadows od Shadybrook:

Ah, yes. HHN's favorite franchised house, Psychoscareapy. I had HUGE hopes for this house. And I believe they were met. The whole house had a very dark, grimey feel to it. It felt, of all things, real. The actors were very much into their parts. Some of the sets looked like they had just been ripped out of some movie. One of the best parts of this house was something that you had to be 'in-the-know' to experience. The Red Button. When found and pressed, a dark corridor would light up, and a ghostly Jack would appear at the end of the path. The lights would cut out and an air blast would hit. Damn it was awesome. The big problem I had with this house was the fact that it felt so damn depressing. The colors, sets, actors just made it feel so...pained. So I think they accomplished their task.

Set: 5/5. Felt very much like an asylum, and very ghostly in color.

Story: 3/5. The ghostly feel added to the idea of ghosts of Shadybrook, but there wasn't a whole lot holdong up the story of tortured spirits.

Scares: 3.5/5. There wasn't much in terms of scaring, but these were some of the best actors I've had the pleasure of jumping out at me.

11.5/15

SCAREZONES:

*20 Years of Fear:

The best part of this was all the old props sittin out. And of course a bunch of old characters running about. It was like the Hallowed Past house, but outside and ready for photos.

11/15

*Fear Revealed:

Except for Eddy, not too many seemed interested in scaring. But, yes, it was awesome seeing every Icon from past years. Really nothing more than a giant photo op.

10/15

*Zombie Gras:

I didn't care much for this zone. Not many seemed like they were actively trying to scare, just sorta fumbling about. Maybe I caught the end of the shift and they were all tired. I dunno.

8/15

*Saws and Steam:

This lost some serious points simply because I do NOT like steampunk. The things with yellow eyes were pretty cool, and the chainsaw guys got some good scares, but overall it didn't impress me a whole lot.

10/15

*The Coven:

I didn't expect much from this, since it was basically birds and witches. I was fairly amazed at how well it turned out. The sets were good, the actors (namely the actresses) were spot on, and I didn't have to deal with a lot of birds. Yay. ( I hate birds. F_CKING HATE THEM!)

12/15

*Esqueleto Muerte

Day glo party! That's what my thoughts about it are. Not scary at all, but it is really fun to stand around and watch glow in the dark skeletons run around. It was pretty cool here.

11/15

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For more photos, CLICK. This will give you pics from through out the event, and also a bunch from HOS 2010.

Cheers.

Edited July 14, 2011 by Mr. Cleaver

[MahB]

Great pics! Definitely a good way to get into the spirit of haunt season.

[The Director of Horror]

Thanks for the review!

I really appreciated the photos!

[Mr. Cleaver]

I take pics for those like me: those sentimental bastards whos spend all year staring at the facades of old houses. Maybe it's just me, but not enough people seem to take pics of the facades. Everyone tries to be artsy. Not I; I take pictures on a more archiving basis. Which makes me feel more important than I really am.

And what better way to get into the mood when we have no updates than to remenice about last year?

[LV-426]

so no many scares ah? yeah i know i know Horror nights is not about the scares, but a lot of people complained so much about not being scary last year, I agree i didnt scare as much,i remember hearing endless conversations of strangers about how lame HHNXX was

[Mr. Cleaver]

One problem I always face in terms of scares is my size. I'm another one of those 6 ft 230lbs guys with a beard and long hair, so not many even try for me. About 90% of actors at every event and every house go for someone either in front of or behind me. I mean, yeah, I'm not always the easiest/best scare in the world, but I'd like it if more actually tried.

Edited July 15, 2011 by Mr. Cleaver

[Legacy]

One problem I always face in terms of scares is my size. I'm another one of those 6 ft 230lbs guys with a beard and long hair, so not many even try for me. About 90% of actors at every event and every house go for someone either in front of or behind me. I mean, yeah, I'm not always the easiest/best scare in the world, but I'd like it if more actually tried.

I go for guys like you. I can match up against you size-wise, and the fact that I know you don't targeted a lot means I can use my size to an advantage. You aren't expect someone to bow up against you.

In fact that pin-ball scare in Catacombs you got could have been me and the other two peckers in my room. Shoot, I had two doors, so "two" of the peckers you saw could have been me.

The big guys are fun to go after...

[Mr. Cleaver]

And I thank you for that scare, even if it may not have been you. I love it when people try to get me and they actually do. Usually the only ones going for me are drop windows, which I loathe.