Death of a Robot

[armyofrobots]

Closing in on the Haunt season, I feel I can give the most accurate review possible as I've seen everything multiple times as a guest and after a shift or two. This will contain spoilers.

I'll start it off by saying I absolutely love this year. I think everybody who deals with this event deserves a big ol' hug. I think this year delivered on a lot of really neat things and some cool ideas worked really well. I'm just gonna put what my brain spills out, so here we go. I'll probably start with the SS' and work around the park:

Legendary Truth: The Wyandot Estate

Times through: 4

An ACTUAL haunted house who prove it's not easy being green.

What to say. I... find this house underwhelming. This house, to me, is like how SAW was last year. If you don't catch the cool stuff (floor, wall, chair, etc etc) the house lacks because then all you have are some REALLY loud noises and some weird green Casper masks. Now, on the flip side of the coin, when you catch all of those elements, you see some neat stuff like you've never seen before. I've been through this house 4 times and I've seen the floor guy once; the wall once; the chair once; the floating room thing once; and unfortunately they were mostly on all different runs. Again, I'm going to compare it to SAW. If you missed the traps, you had a few guys in pig masks. The traps MADE that house and if you missed out on those, you missed out on the core of the house. And this isn't really the actors fault. I understand you need time to reset and all that jazz.

The house itself is absolutely beautiful. The setting/story is there and it's done perfectly. The person in the front of the house is hit or miss. Sometimes you get a person who's really into the story and will give you some pointers and what to do in case of an attack. Awesome. I can't wait to see what this place has in store because that person put me into the story and I am ready to see some ghosts. Let's do this. And then sometimes you get "watch out, this place might be haunted." Oh... okay. Might be? Thanks for the warning.

I don't know. Maybe I'm being too critical. Everybody seems to adore this house. Especially people in my street and when I told them I wasn't too big of a fan, I was told I was an idiot. Maybe I am. It's just too hit or miss for me. And it misses more than it hits.

I'd like to see this tried again with some more scary entities/ghosts.

PsychoScareapy: Echoes of Shadybrook

Times through: 2

It's back! And it's... not really.

Are they ghosts? Are they still patients? Are they insane? Is this prison? Is it supposed to be funny?

This asylum has a case of identity crisis. You enter into one of the most beautifully crafted sets I have ever seen in my 10 years of horror nights. oh em gee. I saw it and thought it was going to be the best scares of my life... and then I left confused. And then I did it again and thought it was a fluke! And then I left... sad. I don't really have a review because I don't know.. what to say, really. I don't want to come off negative, but that's won't be the case because I'm just really neutral. It's like purgatory. It's not really bad, but it's not good. You just float through looking at little things and you interact with people, but none of it is memorable. I don't know what Shadybrook was. I understand it was closed and the patients have died, I guess? And they're stuck there it seems. I mean, everything is disheveled and gone to hell, but I don't know why.

I wish I had more to say. But I'm just confused and I really don't want to be. I want to like it, but I can't. I want to hate it, but I can't. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.

Hades: The Gates of Ruin

Times through: 2

Hades is here... and he's not in his throne... can... can somebody find him?

My most anticipated house of the year ruins my life with disappointment and then successfully come backs to redeems itself!

Oh Hades. I hated you. I hated you with the fire of a billion suns. You made me so angry. I walked through the final scene with a burning hatred that no water could put out.

And then, magically, it's like you told me a funny joke or put a band-aid on my scraped knee and a smile grew on my face. And then we held hands through a flowery meadow while whistling whimsical tunes, giggling like school children. And then you scared the crap out of me.

Every twist and turn, there was some demon or creature in my face. Some REALLY great scarework/hiding areas. It was like some demented version of pingpong and you guys were the Chinese pingpong team. There were a few creatures where I wasn't too happy with the way they looked and then some where they were stunning. The labyrinth area was absolutely incredible. It was like somebody was staring at you no matter where you went. You guys in there did a fantastic job and redeemed yourselves. And I thank you for that.

The set was pretty nice. The music is slightly inappropriate in some sections... I don't know if they're setting up some sort of mythical rave in there. I know that would be my hell. Hades playing techno and force feeding me ecstasy all the time. ugh. terrible. I don't even want to think about it. The set. Yeah. I wish the throne was there for a purpose. I feel that was the plan and then something happened. Oh well, I guess that's a small complaint.

ZombieGeddon

Times through: 7

Zombies. I'm sold.

I adore this house. The disaster queue is stepping up its game in a major way.

I was looking forward to this house and it delivered in a major way. The actors, the scares, the setting, top notch stuff in here and you guys deserve all the praise in the world. I'm actually jealous I wasn't in this house because it looks like so much fun. I like that it's not this typical "oh noes, zombies everywhere!" I mean yeah, there's zombie everywhere, but we know WHY. We know that we're entering this... training area to be taught how to deal with zombies and that we can "teach" them to deal with everyday tasks. Then something goes wrong, DUN DUN DUN, and all hell breaks loose. Then our real journey begins and it's full of laughs and scares.

I have really nothing bad to say about this house other than a few nitpicky things, which aren't even worth mentioning. It's full of a bunch of great things and it delivers.

The Orfanage: Ashes to Ashes

Times through: 3

Cindy is here and she's pissed. Actually, she's kinda happy. And giggly.

Hm. Well, I think I understand. Cindy was in this orphanage and she burned it down...with the kids inside? Or the kids helped? Are they dead? If it was burning down, why were the kids still in the cages? Cindy has like.. pyrokinetic superpowers? She's a splicer? Alright, I can dig that.

The place looks great with some amazing effects. It has a REALLY good atmosphere and some pretty good distraction scares. Some real good usages of mirrors as well. Cute little costumes and Cindy looks great. They both did a fantastic job and really started off/wrapped up the place very nicely. I LOVE LOVE LOVE when the first Cindy ( Cast B ) says ASHES TO ASHES and it echoes... oooh... gives me chills. I wish.. she had more in the house. I don't mean she should be everywhere, but make her presence known a little more. I'd also like to see her PISSED. Like something out of the Silent Hill movie finale. Man, that'd be incredible. Just DESTROYING people. I think that element was missing too. I mean, yeah, she set the place on fire, but it would have been neat to see some adults in there in pain, screaming for help. That would have added to it.

And then there's the worst recorded noise I've ever heard in my ENTIRE LIFE. "trick or treat!"?!?!?! SERIOUSLY?! OY VEY. That single phrase destroys this house for me.

Havoc: Dogs of War

Times through: 3

What happens if you took the super soldier serum away from Captain America and gave it to these people. They turn into DOGS. Oh... they don't. They go crazy.

What turned from a house I was "meh" about turned into a house I was like "get me out of here" about. This house makes me uncomfortable, in a good way. LOUD NOISES. PEOPLE WHO CAN ROAR. BALD HEADS. LOUD NOISES. STROBES STROBES STROBES. LOUD EFFING NOISES.

Great entry to get things started You know what's happening and you're instantly sucked into it. These people deserves hours of praise for how much energy they're putting out. I don't know how you guys do it. There's no real "costumes" per se, and the settings are something to be desired, kinda repetitious, The Spawning... I mean.. uh... Havoc really makes up with it with the scares. I particularly enjoy the, I guess it's the "shower scene"? The guy in the giant plastic box? Yeah, he scared the havoc out of me.

And I'm sorry, but you shaving your head makes 0 difference to me. You could have walked in there with an afro and I would of had the same experience. You guys are really dedicated.

Catacombs: Black Death Rising

Times through: 8

Bonjour. Je suis une peste médecin. Vous avez tué mon père. Préparez-vous à mourir.

Hello house of the year, you're looking good. REAL good. Mmm....

This is my choice for house of the year, but I still do have some complaints. The setting is fantastic. I'm a sucker for this stuff. I actually did a paper on the plague in high school and since then I've always been fascinated with the doctors of this era. Again, another house I was "meh" about, but then I found about about the doctors and my interest sky rocketed.

The entrance is great. A little history lesson, almost as if you're entering it like it's a museum walkthrough. I don't know if this was intentional, but it seems like it. AND THEN YOU HAVE THE LOUDEST SPEAKER ON THE PLANET THAT'S 5 INCHES IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE THAT PLAYS NOISE. And then you go in and are greeted by THE SECOND LOUDEST SPEAKER ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET that a scareactor triggers and has a good little scare. I never noticed the little skeletons above your head move. They nod... like they're listening to a dope beat produced by Dr. Dre. It blew my mind when I saw that and then OH MY GOD I got scared....by a guest And then I was slapped in the face by an actor hanging there.

Complaints. Are the doctors alive? What, it's been 500 years? In a cave. Were they frozen in carbonite? They have to be dead. But if they're dead, how are they coughing all the bloody time? They're clearly sick. AND THEY'RE DOCTORS. They had a PHd in LIES. I also wish there were more of the people that opened up the dig site. I would have liked to see more dead archeologists OR doctors performing experiments on dying people. There could have been some visually gruesome scenes. And maybe some more excavation equipment. And more people who were affected by the plague. I know we have SOME, but more would be nice. Then again, I guess it would just be people. Coughing. And we need LESS coughing people in that site. We get it, you're sick. With apparently the common cold. Let's see some symptoms of the plague. Like diarrhea from your mouth.

Horror Nights: The Hallow'd Past

Times through: 6

The warehouse that doesn't look like a warehouse enough... right?

Nostalgia. I love seeing something new (or I guess old in context) everytime I walk through the place. Hearing voices of the past and then going through a time warp to see some familiar faces! Like.. red face man with chainsaw! And then... white face man with angry pointy teeth! Nah, I'm kidding. I know who there are... there's Frankenstein too!

I really like this house, but I do have a few.. concerns.

Treaks and Foons. One of my favorite zones ever. And now it's in a house. FANTASTIC. There's gonna be bubbles and foam and awesome burpy/farty music and tons of fat clowns with scary faces and cool laser effects and... oh... there's mirrors... okay cool! I can dig.... as long as there's bubb-...no bubbles. Alright.. fine. Let's see the scareactors... one. One scareactor. WAT. Okay fine. But you better give me my fart music! THANK YOU. Alright, next up, Scary Tales III, Alice. Awesome. It looks great and we have the mad hatter AND the March Ha-OH MY GOD THAT'S THE MOST TERRIFYING THING I'VE EVER SEEN. It looks like it's going to rape my soul. Why would they need to make something that scary?!

Alright, next room, NICE! Dead Exposure. Most underrated house ever. Looks great, sounds great. Let's move onto the next room! AWESO-oh... Dead Exposure again. Okay. Well... that was disappointing. Next room, NICE! Frightanic. I was never able to go through the house, so it was nice to see something I had never seen before. It looked great too. I love the rain hitting the windows in the back. Fantastic, moving on. Okay! Body Collectors... Spine Girl scene. I can dig. Spine rips out, we applaud, he bows, we move on. And we have.... BODY COLLECTORS... again...why?

Okay fine, we exit. ooh, ahh.. icons. And then Jack.

What was a house of past turned into a house of.. 2008. 3 scenes. Really? 3? And then a chance to do something new in 2 spots and it was from the previous scene? Come on. Those 2 rooms could have been something else. Anything else. Vampyr, Psycho, RUN, Screamhouse, etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc. You have 19 past years to choose!

I know it seems like I'm complaining, but I'm really starstruck when I go through this house. I get some really good jumps and startles when I go through and everything does look fantastic. Every scene is seamless. Actors are on their games and I could go through this house everynight and still be amazed.

So. That's my houses. I guess I'll rank them for fun.

1. Catacombs

2. Horror Nights: Hallow'd Past

3. ZomebieGeddon

4. Havoc

5. Hades

6. Orfanage

7. Legendary Truth

8. PsychoScarepy

Everybody is working so hard and I really appreciate it so much. Everybody puts their heart and blood in this event every year and this is one of my favorite years I've been to. I thank all of those who work year round on this event and to those who work for the 6 weeks it's open.

I may do the streets. Depends how much motivation I get.

[Jumboshrmp]

Great review! I agree with you on most points except I enjoyed Hades a bit more than you, and for me, the techno was one of my favorite parts It's not scary, but I couldn't stop dancing to it

I hope you review the streets, I would definitely read your review. Coming from someone who works in streets I would be interested to hear your opinions on them.

Also, now that you mention it Zombiegeddon's backstory was actually one of the ones that held up the best throught the house. I never really thought about why the zombies are there, but now that I think about it, the story makes it that much better.

(I typed this on my phone so please forgive any typos.)

See you tonight, Wolfman!

Edited October 28, 2010 by Jumboshrmp