Sir2lazy's totally not reposted review of HHN 2015

[Sir2lazyThe2nd]

Yes I am reposting. Mainly due to the comments on the other review about the swearing and the comments becoming a trainwreck, I am reposting the thread and toning down the language so the mods don't kill me. (Not changing anything in the walking dead review since that house deserves to be put on full blast. oh and the gay jokes in the purge I am not removing. Oh and all the gay shit in the insidious part of the review is gone.)

 

So I went on October 29th. First off I was late because my parents, instead of leaving early, decided to eat dinner instead. This fucked everything up and caused us to barely be able to all the mazes. We ended up arriving at 8:30 causing us to not be able to do the mazes more than once which I hoped I could do. Also sorry for the lateness of this review, I overslept and I ended up going to Islands Of Adventure. This gave me no time to write this review. Like I said, I barely was able to do all the houses, and I had Express passes. So now for the mazes. I'm gonna start from The most shittiest maze of the night to the best maze of the night. Lets do this shit.

The Walking Dead: The Living and The Dead:

I really wanted to love this house. I really did. But holy fucking shit this house was terrible. First off the tagline, The Living And the dead, is a complete fucking lie. I only saw one God damn human in the whole fucking house, the rest are walkers. The tagline would have worked for Hollywood's version since they actually fucking had more than one fucking human in the house. Second off The costumes and makeup effects were Abysmal. Make up isn't really that hard to do for the walkers, so there is no fucking excuse for the shitty make up effects. It looked like a makeup effect you would get at your local Halloween store. The costumes were just fucking boring. The clothing for the walkers haven't been show stopping, but the clothes were just fucking boring. Why can't they throw in some normal every day shirts, not the god damn boring t shirts that a lumberjack would wear. The show is guilty of this also, but here there is no fucking excuse. They have creative control so why couldn't they fucking fix this? And the sets were also awful. They were extremely boring, dull, and had no energy in them. While The Purge had very bad sets (which I'll talk about later) at least that house had a good excuse for the bad sets. This house has absolutely no excuse. And finally, the scare actors looked like they didn't wanna be there at all. Mainly cause there was nothing for them to do. They tried but they were given nothing to really work with. The Walking Dead is a great television series so why didn't universal give them a good budget? They keep doing it every god damn year so why couldn't they fucking give them a good budget? They should just fucking stop doing The Walking Dead, its run its course, now they need to fucking stop. Oh and the effect they boasted about having scare actors walking in water was done poorly. It was only in there once and it was just as forgettable as the rest of the house.

0.5/10 (only cause the effect at the beginning of the house when the human guy rips the fucking guys head off was kinda cool)

Asylum In Wonderland

This house was...Interesting. The house wasn't scary but the house was just fucking weird as shit, which was what I liked. Other than, but really much else to look forward to. First off, the 3D ACTUALLY  ADDED STUFF TO THE HOUSE. If it wasn't 3D, this house would just be meh. That's the saving grace of this house, but other than how it looks, only 1 scare ended up getting me. It was the scene with the heads and how they had actors jumping out holding the heads looked incredible in 3D. But my main problem was the concept was wasted. The concept is fucking awesome but they could have done a lot more with it. They should have added more gore, make it much more violent. Also add more scares, I didn't get scared once in this house (Not counting the room with the heads). There was this one scene of these guys dressed up in black and white jump suits, and I felt the scene would have worked more if there were NO STROBE LIGHTS. They can work during certain scenes but here they actually killed lots of what could have been good scares. The scare actors were nothing special, they did a good job with what they were given.All in all, the concept while cool was completely wasted. There were some cool effects like the tunnel at the beginning of the maze (Which gave me a fucking headache after the maze ended) and the 3D was nice but other than that, completely wasted concept.

5/10

Now we are getting to the better stuff

The Purge

Not as bad as I thought as I thought it was gonna be. I know it was not gonna be the best house and I knew before hand why they chose this house. Here is why:
So They originally were going to do scream. Everything was going well when all of a sudden the higher ups wanted to base it off the tv show. Mike Aiello basically told them "No I fucking hate the tv show, fuck the god damn scream mask in the show its so gay I bet it likes men" And basically the people who gave them the rights were like "Did you just insult the best fucking mask in horror history? Fuck you Mike Aiello you gay homophobic freak don't insult my gay boyfriend, the mask from the scream tv show" and the rights fell through. That totally happened exactly how I typed it. Anyway, They panicked trying to pick a house since some of the sets were already built, so they decided to go with the purge cause 1, its universal property so they can use it whenever they want, they just need  to ask the higher ups for the okay, and 2, Scream and The Purge have very similar sets so they wouldn't have to edit much. So that's why they did the purge.

I really did enjoy this house. The sets weren't the best but if you read my spoiler you should understand why they weren't the best. But yeah, in some parts it was really obvious that it was scream originally *cough* The bathroom and kitchen scene*cough*  and the way they hid it wasn't that well done at all (They still were better than the walking dead). Despite the sets being kinda shitty, the saving grace of this house was the scare actors. THEY WERE FUCKING AMAZING!!!! In the first room the guy with the sledge hammer scared the shit out of me. Another stand out was the guy in the last room. He again scared the fucking shit out of me. Something I wish they would have done was have a coherent story, since even Asylum In Sharknado 95 at least had a story, this one didn't really have one, but due to it being a last minute thing, I'll give it a pass. The facade, while not being incredible was actually not bad despite them having only one week to really do it. I really liked this house. While the sets were kinda shitty, the saving grace is the scare actors and how intense they actually were. Thanks to the incredible scare actors, this actually made this house worthwhile.

7/10

Run: Blood Sweat And Fears

Kind of disappointed in this house. While I really liked this house, don't get me wrong, I really wish they did more stuff with this house. I just felt they could have done more with this house. The facade was very well done and I liked the projection they had showing all of the killers. First off the sets were incredible. While The Purge had shitty sets, Run filled in that hole with having incredible sets. The scare actors were really good though they could have been more intense.I guess The Purge filled in that spot. But one of my main complaints was it wasn't as violent as I wished it was. Don't get me wrong, its still violent, but I wish they had more gore. It would have been cool to witness some people who failed the game get slaughtered or killed in other awesome ways. But they didn't do that. The Running Man, which this maze clearly is inspired by, even that was pretty goddamn violent, so I think that aspect of it was very wasted. The house would have been much much much better with more gore.What I've heard from people was that was the best way to experience this maze is to get most of the scares. I got most of the scares while I didn't get them all, I got most of them which really saved this house for me. Not saying everyone will enjoy this but I think a good majority of you will. Just save this house for the end of the night when the lines are short.(which most of you aren't probably gonna be able to unless your going Halloween Day or on the final day)

7.3/10

American Werewolf In London

Meh. If you liked the house in 2013 you'll like it here. If you didn't like it in 2013, you won't like it here. 

(Just read someone else's review of it in 2013. I liked it but I barely remember it in 2013 so it didn't feel like a repeat. Here its a 7.9/10 due to it being a recent repeat. 

 

Insidious

Very terrifying house. I really loved Insidious. To be honest, I enjoyed Hollywood's version a little more but Orlando's was very fantastic. The scare actors were absolutely amazing like always, and you could tell they were having a ball with it. Also the sets were absolutely incredible. While they weren't the best this year at the event, they still were amazing. The costume design was also pretty great, especially the pubic hair on the darth maul demon's crotch, sucks they had to censor the dicks due to universal being a big company,would have been hot. Sadly I did miss lots of the scares which made this maze go much lower than I wish it did due to Insidious being my favorite maze at Hollywood. And some of the effects didn't really work well in my opinion like the gunshot, I felt it could have easily been taken out and nothing would've been lost. But however, there was one scare, one fucking scare, that got me so good, that I actually needed to sit down for a few minutes to recover from it. It was probably one of the most terrifying experiences I have ever had at hhn at any of the 2 events. So once you exit the house there is a walkway to get to the other house. We are walking down the walkway talking to my group about what they thought of the maze, then, out of fucking nowhere, there is a very loud sound, and a scare actor dressed up as the darth maul demon fucking jumps out as us out of nowhere aiming for me. It scared the living shit out of me and everyone in my group. My older cousin made the mistake of drinking water during this and he spit his water all over the poor scare actor. I feel so bad for the guy playing the Darth Maul demon but I bet the scare actor had a good night scaring people with that effect. Overall, I'll give insidious a really good score of

8/10 

Also kind of off topic but during the writing of this review, i went up to go to the bathroom, I get up to put my head phones on. I realize I put it on wrong so I flip it around when all of a sudden, one of the ears of the head phone snaps off. I don't know why it did it, but the weirdest part is the audio on the headphone that snapped off still works. What the fuck? if you know a solution, pm me.

 

Now we are getting to the nitty gritty. The top 3 houses of this year. Lets continue

Freddy Vs Jason

This house was fucking awesome. Almost everything about this house I really liked. Some things I didn't really care for, which I'll explain later but this house I really enjoyed. First off, the actors who played Freddy And Jason were incredible. Though I liked the parts with Jason more than Freddy, I really enjoyed the parts with Freddy also. Some of the fight scenes were pretty awesome my favorite one being when Freddy jumps out and Jason tries to attack Freddy and Freddy uses sonic boom on Jason, that was pretty cool. And this house was the one where I got scared the most. All the actors were ganging up on me which made the experience more terrifying for me. The actors didn't give a shit who they scared not caring about age (I went with my 9 year old cousin) and they scared him also. This house had a really incredible cast. I do have some things I didn't like about the house. Near the end instead of showing Freddy And Jason actually fighting they just relied on Animatronics (for some reason its saying I spelled animatronics wrong even though I spelled it right) which kind of fucking sucks since they could have done a lot of cool stuff if they just did that. Like they could have had an effect showing the room on fire and them fighting. Come on, you gotta admit, that would have been awesome if they somehow pulled off that effect. And lets talk about the scene where they actually do fight. In it, Freddy says "Hey, back off." While it was done very well, I do wish there was no language filter. I think the scene would have worked more if they had Freddy say "Hey, fuck off."I think it should be like a Pg-13 movie where they are allowed to say the word fuck once. I think they could do a lot with that if they allowed the word fuck to be used like that. But sadly, universal's balls have been long gone, so it probably won't happen.In the end, I really loved this house, and I would do it 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times again. 

9.5/10

It was very hard to choose a number 1 and number 2. Both of the houses were incredible and almost were both near perfect in quality. I have decided very carefully which house is the best this year. Lets continue.

Jack Presents: 25 Years of Monster And Mayhem

Yes I know what you are all gonna say. "Dood sir2lazy y da facjk isnt 25 yrs nm 1?fruk u gay niggah" Let me explain my reasoning. First off, I loved this house. I absolutely loved this house. I loved almost everything about it. The facade was incredible. It really set the mood for the rest of the house and it was gigantic (That's what she said) and it showed all of the icons from previous years which I liked. My favorite room had to be The Director's room. i don't know why I just liked his room the most. My least favorite was the Havoc Derailed scene. That scene I honestly didn't care for, mainly cause the actor just stood there not scaring. It could have worked under different context, but it just fell flat on its own. I really liked how long the house was due to it being the largest house ever constructed in Orlando. It felt endless which actually helped out this house. I didn't want it to end at all.Most of the time when the house doesn't feel like its gonna end, the house fucking sucks, but here it was a positive.There was so much goodness that I didn't want it to end. Something I do wish was that Jack was in the house more due to him being the icon this year. He was but not as much as a hoped. I also wanted to see him in a stray jacket which would have been a nice homage to the 2006 house.(2006 was probably the wrong year, correct me if I'm wrong)I am also very confused on why modern day jack was only in the house once at the end. When he was there he scared the crap out of me anyway, but I wish he was in the house more. I do feel this house is also kind of overrated. Not that that is a bad thing, but I felt because of people over hyping this house as the next Noes:Dreamwalkers house, it made 25 years kind of decline in quality for me. Other than that, I absolutely loved this house.

9.8/10

Now, the number 1 house is DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN

Body Collectors: Recollections

Oh my fucking god, this house was absofuckinglutely fantastic. This house was perfect on all levels. The facade was amazing, the sets were incredible, the make up and special effects were off the fucking hook, everything about this house was amazing. First off, I really like the tone the facade set. It told you about what the house was gonna be like. Very colorful and very dark. It really reminded me of something out of a Guillermo Del Toro movie (Ironically Hollywood got Crimson Peak directed by him). The facade basically should have been what the facade for Crimson Peak in Hollywood should have been. Also, unlike Crimson Peak in Hollywood, there were no black walls. Or at least I didn't notice them if there were any. Also the acting was incredible. They did a really good job, and the costume design for them were incredible. The main body collector looked creepy as shit. I wouldn't want his dick inside me. The nurse getting killed was also a really good scare even though I saw the scare 3 times in the same room (The maze stopped for some reason inside the house) But each time it got me which is extremely rare. And finally, the finale was incredible with all the main body collectors and the classical music playing. It really was an awesome way to end the maze. Overall this house was perfect. The sets were amazing, the facade is probably one of the best facades I have ever seen at any of the events, the cast was incredible, the makeup effects were outstanding, and all in all, this house was perfect. I'm giving this house a

10/10.

Now for the scare zones.

Scare Zones:

Scary Tales-Screampunk

I didn't really care for scary tales. While the costume design was kinda cool, I didn't get scared once. The props (If you can call them props) Were very boring and generic. Overall a very boring and generic scare zone.

4/10

Evil Roots:

I actually liked Evil Roots quite a bit. The props were actually very well done and the scare actors did a very cool job. The stilt walkers also did a good job. Other than that, nothing really special about this scare zone. However, it gets extra points because one of the scare actors, Got me real fucking good. At the beginning of the scare zone, we were leaving walking dead to go to 25 years, I was adoring the scenery when all of a sudden, a  scare actor with a hook jumps out right at me and scares the shit out of me. While it didn't get me as bad as the insidious scare this one also got me pretty good. The scare zone would get a 5 but it gets extra points do to that one scare actor scaring the fucking shit out of me. 

6/10

All Nite Die In-Double Feature

I really liked This scare zone. I'm gonna do 2 different reviews for both sections. Here we go

The Black and White Cast

I thought they did a really good job playing classic characters from the black and white days. One of the stand out actors was the guy who played Norman Bates and the guy (or girl, would still tap dat) who played Frankenstein's monster both did a great job. While they weren't very scary The guy who played Norman Bates scared the crap out of me. Now the color cast

The Color Cast

I also liked the color cast. While they weren't as good as the black and white cast they were more scary. I got the shit scared out of me quite a few times. The guy who played the guys from The Strangers got me really good. They scared me 2 times in a row. And the guy who played Jason Got me good also hiding behind a very tall guy. It sucks what this scare zone has become to be honest. It was a cool idea now its just a place where a bunch of people take pictures with the scare actors. The only person I took a picture with was Freddy Kruger but he was posing for pictures. It fucking sucks what has happened to this scare zone now. The actors have now no space to scare anymore due to everyone wanting to take selfies.

Overall I enjoyed All Nite Die In. Not scary but fun. 

7.6/10

Icons-HHN 
I really loved this scare zone.While I didn't connect with the nostalgia factor of it, I still really loved this scare zone. One of the stand out features were the Icon Kills. I absolutely loved the kills and they were very enjoyable. I was able to watch all of them except for The Director's kill. I saw it on youtube before and, yeah I really feel like I didn't miss anything. My favorite kill was The Storyteller's. I liked it mainly cause getting my tongue cut off is one of my big fears and the fact that he actually didn't die and survived it was the most scary part of it for me. I felt the effect was incredible and well done. This was the scare zone where I got scared the most by. Though I got scared extremely badly (or good depending how you look at it) in evil roots, I got scared a lot here. Overall I really liked the Icon scare zone. The icons on there booths were really cool and interactive and the stilt walkers did a great job like always.

8/10

Psychoscarepy-Unleashed.

Holy shit this scare zone was incredible. Thought I honestly didn't get scared much this scare zone I had the most fun in. The scare actors actually did a really good job and they were very interactive and fun. The effect of the guy getting his head shoved down inside a bobbing apple thingy majingy  thingy was also a very well done effect. I also like how they made water squirt out whenever the guy who was getting bobbed got his head lifted up. Great and smart way to deal with the assholes taking selfies. The props were also very well done too and added a lot to the scare zone. One of my favorite actors was the older guy with the beard, he was very fun and interactive with all the guests. Overall I absolutely loved this scare zone. Not much to say but this is scare zones deserves this rating.

9/10

So there is my reposted review of my old review with the swearing toned down. Now can you please don't start arguments in the comment sections about my sexuality? Please? Lets just forget that other review ever happened.

Edited November 5, 2015 by Sir2lazyThe2nd